My family immigrated to America from Southeast Asia when I was one. My childhood was emotionally, mentally, physically, and sexually abusive. From a young age, depression, anxiety, and insomnia plagued me. Art was always my escape. I spent the majority of my youth training to be an actor, singer, and dancer. After college, I pursued acting in New York City and when the sunshine called, I moved to Los Angeles. While aspiring to be an actor, my day job was teaching and tutoring. I met my late husband, Matt, through mutual friends in Los Angeles. He was a director, so we both shared a love for the arts. We dated for nearly 6 years before we both very casually decided one morning to get married.

In my early 30’s I experienced a rapid descent of health, all starting with my gut. I suffered from stubborn constipation, food intolerance, gas, bloating, stomach cramps, and spasms. Then my symptoms became widespread. Chronic fatigue set in. My muscles were weak despite exercising and stretching. I became constantly irritable. My menstrual cycle stopped for four months. I was unable to sweat and developed acne. It was seemingly endless.

Taking to the internet, I researched my laundry list of symptoms until my eyes hurt, reading forums, threads, and medical papers. I eliminated all foods that might irritate my gut, became grain-free, sugar-free, started exercising 6 days a week. I did the FODMAP diet. The Paleo diet. The Whole30. I started the GAPS, making bone broth, and experienced some relief, but the relief was short-lived…

In the summer of 2014, a couple of months after Matt and I married, he was diagnosed with stage 4 kidney cancer at the age of 37. On the same day of his diagnosis, our doctor also informed us I had mono and had caught scarlet fever on our recent vacation to Mexico.

Knees failed. Worlds crumbled.

After Matt’s diagnosis, new symptoms started spiraling out of control. I unwillingly gained 30 pounds in three months, developed carpal tunnel, and brain fog. My digestive problems worsened. My energy level was non-existent. There was no relief from being unwell. After Matt’s nephrectomy, juicing, sprouting, raw veganism, and hours upon hours of research, summer came to an end and we felt we had a soft handle on cancer (despite my carousel of dis-ease).

Even with our greatest efforts, Matt’s cancer spread despite rigorous adherence to his treatment protocol from both his western and holistic team of doctors. Amidst all of that, I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism, SIBO (small intestinal bacterial overgrowth), de Quervain’s tenosynovitis, (tendonitis between your thumb and wrist), and fibromyalgia.

After trying all the fixes—antibiotics, tenosynovitis surgery, steroids, acupuncture, physical therapy, detoxing, textbook adherence to the GAPS diet and you name it—I finally felt better, but not great. Why not great? I was doing everything right. In fact, I had been doing everything right from the beginning.

Determined to be as happy and healthy as possible before cancer took my late husband’s life, I decided to turn within. Slowly but surely a subconscious, inner awareness became lucid to me, the factors in my life I always struggled with – my long-standing relationship with stress, detachment from my true self, and attachment to negativity. Finally understanding the real cause of my inability to heal, I decided to let everything go that wasn’t love, courage, hope, and faith, and rediscover myself.

By the time Matt took his last breath, 90% of my conditions and symptoms disappeared on their own. I healed myself by myself. From the inside out. Spirit first. Accomplishing in months what I had been desperately attempting for years without an intense diet or program and far less stress and struggle. I chose to love and trust myself more and release stress, negativity, and attachments. I chose to live in joy. In the new positive environment I created for my body, it healed on its own, as it was designed to do.

Matt passed two, arduous years after his diagnosis. Matt and I fought our sicknesses and despite his death, we both healed. We lived and loved more deeply than either of us ever imagined. We became greater, higher versions of ourselves. We realized the true meaning of life is – love. Love truly does heal all.

A couple of months after Matt passed, he came to me and my spiritual awakening and transformation began rapidly evolving and growing ever since. My gratitude for the experience of his cancer and death, my healing, and my spiritualization hasn’t diminished. I will always be grateful to Matt for his continued boundless love and for showing me the universe and its magic. I will always be grateful for the experience that taught me how to heal and love myself.

Today, 7 years later, I remain symptom- and chronic condition-free—wholly healthy, joyous, free, and deeply at peace.

Living through a lifetime of complex traumas, sickness, and now living life as a widow, I hold within me the gift of my life’s experiences – the irrefutable knowledge that even in the darkest of times, there is always love and light. Where there is love, there is healing.